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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Red Flags and Rose Colored Glasses

I'm surrounded by people right now who are in relationships at different stages. Some new, some seasoned, some engaged, some married, and some divorced. Watching the spectrum around me I know that there is no solid formula for what time line equals a lasting relationship, but as I've said HERE, I am convinced that it takes at least 6 to 8 months for the crazy to begin to surface.

I don't want to risk talking about other people's relationships to specifically, but there are a few things I don't understand. Why would a beautiful young girl stay with someone who showed blatant signs of stalking and control in the first week they were together? Why would a woman who has only been with a man two months assume that a convicted abuser and stalker was telling her the truth? Why do proposals seem to follow the first fight? (I have seen this one a couple of times lately and I don't understand!) Talk about Rose-Colored Glasses! These things just scream "RUN!" to me.

I'm not perfect, and I know that my relationship is not going to stay as beautiful and pure as it feels right now. It's called a honeymoon phase. I get it. We will fight at some point, and I'm sure that when we do it will be a doozie. In a way that will be a good thing. I need to know how he reacts when he's mad. I need for him to know how I react when I'm mad. These are some of the reasons people date. You need to know someone, really know them, before you start thinking about Wedding Bells.

My mom got engaged after a fight, and I grew up without my dad around. Don't get me wrong I'm glad to be alive an all, but it wasn't an easy childhood experience. Maybe that is why I'm all about watching for the red flags and taking it slow. What are your opinions or experiences with fast moving relationships? Are the rose colored glasses just thicker for some people?


PBJdreamer said...

I think many of our predispositions come from what kind of family we grew up in.

What feels familiar to one person is another person's nightmare.

With my life ecperiences, there is no way I can judge someone else.

What you say sounds right to me. I think rose colored glasses are so dangerous.

very dangerous

that is all

Babes Mami said...

I am usually very slow in my getting to know someone and dating before jumping into things. However with Chris, things just seemed to go super fast and it worked, there were never any red flags to scare me and that whole I was two months pregnant when we decided to be serious thing lol. I think Babe forced us to get to know each other quicker.

Ranae Rose said...

Good questions. As for answers, I don't know...I've known a lot of people in crappy relationships like the kinds you mentioned, and it sucks even to watch them being a part of it. I knew my husband for years before we got married, so by then we knew all of each other's weird secrets and annoying habits and had already fought plenty. lol

Boobies said...

I think some people just WANT to live life looking through the rose colored glasses.

As for fast relationships...I married my husband 6+ years ago after dating just a couple of weeks. Crazy? Yes. Mistake? No way. Living the fairy tale life...but then again...I just got really lucky!

Just A. Girl said...

I've got little experience and no advice on this one. But I think it's a fascinating post... and the comments from your readers too! :)

Mrs. Indecisive said...

Most relationships and people shouldn't move fast. I once got married after knowing someone for 6 months. Then we divorced less then two years later.

Then, I just married a man I knew for a little over a year and we had broken up twice haha but....love does funny things, ya know? My husband is an functioning alkie...and I know this. I married him KNOWING I'd battle his drinking demon weekly. but I'm okay with that.

Some people are okay with stalkers.

It's all about personal preference really haha