Everyone welcome Daisy from The Daisy Approach. If you've been around here much you will know that she is the creator of Daisy's 21 questions that everyone enjoys so much. She's laying it all there for us today so let her know you're reading.
First of all I’m totally honored to be a guest blogger over at Ms. Scandal’s place. As I write this I am covered in a wet sticky fog. A fog that comes around every now and then, it tries to bring me down, it’s heavy.
This fog comes with decisions. Call me mental but I have a hard time with decisions sometimes. I tend to over think everything. I then start to take into account everyone else’s feelings. Sometimes I just want to be told what to do…I need that push.
I am in an open marriage. I have a husband and a new boyfriend. I know this way of life doesn’t work for everyone but for us it’s something new. I get bored. I’ve been called a free spirit. Can a free spirit actually settle and stay in one place there whole life? Can I change who I am?
The answer to that last question for me is no. I tried to change who I was and for 5 years I was fat and depressed. I hid from the world. I stopped calling friends. My whole life became only my kids. I lived in sweat pants and didn’t like myself at all. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t and because of that I died a little inside. I had a wake up call last year and finally decided to say fuck the world. I am different. I am me. I am back. I am a hot headed Italian chick who loves sex. I am a married girl in a complicated marriage that may or may not last. I don’t trust easily. I get stir crazy, when it happens you can tell. I start to stare. I zone out. I start to move a lot. I may decide to re-arrange furniture. I may start listening to music 24-7 to calm my nerves. I will lose all patience. I will become annoyed. I will drink more…..this is the fog.
I have to sides, same coin just 2 sides. This post may seem all over the place but maybe now you can see where my mind is right now. It’s all over the place. My decision at the forefront is to stay in a marriage that is making me mentally sick or leave and start completely over. I love my husband (most days) but am I still in love with him, I’m not sure. We tried to make it work. We were just a few weeks from signing divorce papers last October. Something brought us back together and now I feel like that something is breaking us apart.
Life is a constant struggle. We are always in conflict with something. How we manage the conflict is the key. But for some reason my key isn’t fitting quite right in the locks. The fog tends to get in the way….