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Monday, December 20, 2010

Insecurities and Fears

I'm getting overwhelmed by my fears and insecurities. For the most part, I don't really care what people think. I mean, this is me. Take it or leave it. But if I care about people, then I do care what they think.

I'm worried about everything and everyone right now. I want nothing more than to make everyone I care about happy but it seems to be getting harder to do.

The scary thing seems to be that the happier I get, the more I worry that people around me are unhappy. Not with me necessarily, but in general. Then I feel guilty that maybe I'm not giving as much as I can in those relationships. There just isn't enough time to do it all.

I don't like to show much fear or unhappiness, because in a lot of ways I'm very lucky. I have great friends and family and I love my job. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed by life right now. Some of it is really good. In some ways I'm overwhelmed with the happy. I'm also overwhelmed with worry.

I don't like being overwhelmed, all these emotions scare me a little.

Anyway, I'm just talking I guess.

3 comments:

GoodWill said...

Sorry to hear - I feel like this season (whether that's related or not to your particular feelings) always brings about emotions, for good and for bad - but strong emotions and stress for everyone.

Hopefully things will look up and you'll get some relief from that.

Red Shoes said...

Hey, sweetie. Is there anything 'concrete' that causes you to feel that you are 'slacking off' in the relationship department?

If not, I would guess that maybe you were raised, or lived in an environment where you were made to feel guilty about being happy, or feeling good about yourself and/or Life.

I would think it's a wonderful trait to have... to care about others, but don't let it happen at your expense... i.e., so~n~so is having a shitty time... so I must have one as well... acknowledge that you realize that they are having a bad time, but do move on and look out for yourself...

M'kay?

Merry Christmas...

M'kay??

Mr. Mackey...

err...

~shoes~

Ladii said...

Babe worry about you maybe they seem unhappy because u are just Happier and when you werent as happy you were closer to them?! I feel the same way when it comes to money. whether I have it or I dont. when I have it And i hear others and bills and what not i cant help but offer to let them borow some even with the fear that it will never be repaid back to me. and when I dont i feel guilty that I am not making enough or could be doing more to get more so I could help those out. But why should we have to worry about others problems. Ur happy so BE HAPPY LOVE YOU!