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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I miss her...

Ok, so we've all had that toxic, unhealthy friendship at some point in our life. That friend who's uncanny luck we begrudge because no matter how bad her decisions she always lands on her feet. The one that we've lost friends over because even when you don't agree with her you always have her back. The one who has hurt our feelings innumerable times because we let her get away with it. The one that, even though we aren't friends anymore, I will become majorly upset if you try to say anything too harsh against her...

I miss her though. It's been about two years since I've seen her. We've exchanged only a handful of cordial e-mails in that time, and no efforts have been made to actually bridge the gap between us that has become like the Grand Canyon. It's like a bad break-up. I have to fight the urge to beg for forgiveness and reconciliation even though I have nothing to ask forgiveness for. Neither does she. The disagreement that led to the end of our friendship actually had nothing to do with our friendship. We came down on different sides of an issue and she decided it wasn't something she was willing to disagree on. I was very cordially told that she didn't want anymore contact with me. For the most part I have honored her request, in part because I know that my mental health is better for it.

I still miss her though. She was my best friend and closer than my own sisters for years. This close to the holidays I know she'll be in town to visit family, and I feel a little twinge that I won't get to see her and laugh and catch up the way we used to. It scares me to think of running into her in public, because I'm afraid that the indifference would break my heart.

Losing her as a friend was harder than any break up I've ever been though, and I still feel the pain of it to this day.

5 comments:

EnVii said...

aww! maybe it wont be so bad if you run into her.. maybe she misses you as much as you miss her!!! id say that me n the friend just like are close again but were not.. hi, n hellos once in a blue but i know the friendship is not and will not be what it was! it hurts because she was my best friend but at the end she chose a man who beat her over a friend tryin to protect her!

Sir Thomas said...

life works in strange ways does it not?

Ladii Aponte said...

I lost a good friend like that at 17 grew up with her over something very petty In part my fault. I was Homecoming Princess and HAD to go into homecoming to atleast get my crown and I had lost our tickets which could not be purchased at the door but because I was Homecoming court and i went there the were allowing me to atleast go in and she was upset and started crying. I did not end up going in I didnt get my Crown and I appologized for wanting to go in without her but our friendship ended there its always been awkward running into her and miss her dearly but, if you will get so upset over soemthing so minor then maybe I just couldnt be friends with a drama queen, I was wrong in there too But i wasnt planning on going to party without her just get my crown! well darling if you run in to her im sure you will feel awkward and catch up but it will be different maybe shes changed... [BTW i Changed somethings on the code On my blog sooo if you still want you can go check to see if it lets you grab it lol]

Jen G-son said...

One thing I've learned over the past couple years is that you lose friends, good and bad ones. My best friend of five years birthed a child and I now barely hear from her. Another had her baby's daddy abandon her and she's taken advantage by turning into an asshole. haha So what's a girl to do? Go find new friends, stat :) People come and go, with some saying that perhaps this is the beauty of life. I just find it depressing.

If you guys were that good of friends, she may feel the same but too stubborn to say sorry. Yet, you most likely have outgrown one another at this point.

SB said...

i couldnt imagine losing a bff. my bff and i definitely dont agree on everything but it doesnt stop us from love each other.

i agree with envii maybe it would be good to run into her (not physically ;p) because maybe she misses you too.