Ok, so we've all had that toxic, unhealthy friendship at some point in our life. That friend who's uncanny luck we begrudge because no matter how bad her decisions she always lands on her feet. The one that we've lost friends over because even when you don't agree with her you always have her back. The one who has hurt our feelings innumerable times because we let her get away with it. The one that, even though we aren't friends anymore, I will become majorly upset if you try to say anything too harsh against her...
I miss her though. It's been about two years since I've seen her. We've exchanged only a handful of cordial e-mails in that time, and no efforts have been made to actually bridge the gap between us that has become like the Grand Canyon. It's like a bad break-up. I have to fight the urge to beg for forgiveness and reconciliation even though I have nothing to ask forgiveness for. Neither does she. The disagreement that led to the end of our friendship actually had nothing to do with our friendship. We came down on different sides of an issue and she decided it wasn't something she was willing to disagree on. I was very cordially told that she didn't want anymore contact with me. For the most part I have honored her request, in part because I know that my mental health is better for it.
I still miss her though. She was my best friend and closer than my own sisters for years. This close to the holidays I know she'll be in town to visit family, and I feel a little twinge that I won't get to see her and laugh and catch up the way we used to. It scares me to think of running into her in public, because I'm afraid that the indifference would break my heart.
Losing her as a friend was harder than any break up I've ever been though, and I still feel the pain of it to this day.