You want to know what is so great about phone sex or cyber sex? In his mind I look like this.....
When I really probably have on no make-up, didn't shave my legs, and am wearing an old faded t-shirt. I don't have to look sexy for myself!
Seriously though, I will agree that it is a poor substitute for a warm body. When there is no (safe) warm body to be found, however, it is in fact a substitute. I was browsing around today and I saw THIS article on the Liberator Blog about Phone Sex. I'll be honest, I will probably try it out. Most guys that I've tried this with are clumsy and can't get into it. I can understand if words aren't your thing or if it's new, they don't know where to start.
I had a guy who made cyber-sex and ongoing education. You might remember C that I've mentioned before. He started priming me in high school and we continued into college. He eventually got me on the phone, and while he certainly was not perfect, he had a better idea than anyone else I've tried it with in the past.
Now as far as cyber-sex goes I've had some pretty incredible experiences as recently as last week. I'm not one to divulge without someone's permission, (unless I'm pissed) but it was pretty incredible.
Here are the things that I've noticed make no-contact sex more enjoyable.
1) Don't focus on your flaws when describing yourself, and keep it short and simple. If you are talking to someone that you have a repore with they may want to know what you look like, but for "verbal" sex, what you're wearing... or not wearing... is more important.
2) Cyber sex, or phone sex, is like writing a book. Saying, "I want to fuck you" isn't enough, and -please god- saying "I'm fucking you right now," is definitely a turn-off (for me anyway). You're telling a story more-or-less. You have to describe what your "character" is doing, and thinking. You're writing it together too, so rather than tell your partner what their character is doing, you tell them what you want, and let them tell you what they are doing. That's the best way I can think to describe it. This give you all kinds of options. You can "write" a quickie, or you can let your story go on for hours, with foreplay and numerous positions.
3) Keep it light-hearted. Unless you know the person on the other end, DO NOT confess your undying love! After a minute or two, a joking 'was it good for you?' or 'I need a cigarette.' is a good way to go. Don't let yourself take it too seriously.
4) Don't hang up the damn phone when you come. C used to do that and it pissed me off so bad! He'd finish first (every time) then hang up and leave me to handle myself. Granted, I was close so it wasn't too bad, but the text I got later that said, "wow, that was great" didn't mean a whole hell of a lot to me. Come to think of it, why did I ever think he would be any better in bed? I guess I dodged a bullet there.
These are the things I've learned. I'd love to know if any of you have thoughts or points on the topic. Advice, maybe?