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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Don't look at me like that!

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It's Wicked Wednesday over at Bad Girl Bloggers. The rules for linking up are pretty simple. Share a wickedly awesome story and join the fun. I was thinking again this week, what can I talk about that I haven't talked about before? I tried telling you guys once about my 'Pole Dancing' fiasco, but I got rid of it, cause I wasn't happy with my story-telling abilities that day, and I figured, meh. Just trash it.

So I'll try again, cause really, it's pretty funny.

I met my girl J and my current group of friends about a year and a half ago. I met them through the bitch that I regularly rant about in these pages. I feel like I should give her a name or something, but 'that bitch' will just have to do. So I met up with everyone and it seems like we may have one the whole dinner one place drinks at another deal, but I can't quite remember. What I do remember is that we went to this bar that sit beneath one of the local restaurants, and they had the best wine! I mean really, it was good, good wine. I had like, four or five glasses. It's also possible that at that point I hadn't had very much to drink for the six months or so prior to our little outing.

There was a local band playing. No hotties, but the music was great. I loved it. Now once again, I can't remember exactly when he showed up, but there is this guy. He's a good friend of J's and this was one of the first few times I'd met him. He introduced himself to me at least 3 times before recognizing my face, and I'm pretty sure it took him three months to remember my name. The point though, is that he's hot. A few of my friends claim they don't see it, but I think they're lying. They don't want to admit that, like myself, they are detrimentally attracted to a self-proclaimed ladies man who has slept with only God knows how many women. So I drank, a lot. I wanted to get laid, and I didn't want to feel bad about it.

Now, also important is that I'd been pining over the other M for a couple of years and he'd recently gotten engaged to a girl who was only moderately pretty and had tons of baggage. I was looking to get under someone fast, because this was probably the point at which I decided that I was done looking for a 'good guy' and I was just going to take whatever the universe threw at me for a while.

So yeah, five drinks in, and as I mentioned this is a basement type place so it's really hot in there. I recruited a few of my new friends to walk outside with me and get some air. So we walk outside and chat. I leaned up against a pole for balance. (I mentioned all the drinking right?) So at this point I've loving my new friends because they think I'm wildly funny. I had no idea I was that witty. A little while later we went back inside to gather the group and head home. I'd driven us there, but J drove us home. In the backseat of my own car with that bitch and WB boy I lamented my single status and went on and on about how I just wanted to get laid.

I also railed on the other M's fiance and mentioned that I thought the ladies' man was hot. My friend learned a lot about me that night. At some point during my drunken oversharing, one of my stripper songs comes on her radio, or from a CD, I don't know, and J, or maybe it was Ash, suggested I dance on a pole to that song. I'm pretty sure that was when they told me I'd been gyrating on the pole that was 'holding me up' outside the bar. I crashed in a spare room that night, and woke up with a crazy hangover. To this day, I haven't live the pole dancing down. When I drink and one of my 'Stripper Songs' comes on, J or Ash are uick to find the nearest pillar, post, or pole and simply gesture for me have at it.

I don't have fuzzy dice or air freshener on my rearview mirror. I have a little bodice ornament that simply says, "When she was good she was very good, but when she was bad she was even better." I love it. I believe it. Life is made fun by all the drunken nights, and making a fool of yourself every now and then is good for the soul I think. :)

Ok, so the Naughty List! The rules here are simple too, you simply list three naught things you've done. It could be last year, last week or this morning, and then answer the questions and link-up.

1) I was very guilty of the "If I can't have him I don't want you to have him" mentality this weekend. I was super jealous of the friend I reference in FYF and when I got the news that it might not work out, I did a little happy dance inside.... I'm such a bad friend!

2) B, the scared boy from a month or so back? Apparently he's been dealing with his ex and probably was even then. He posted a very sad and dejected 'it's over' status on FB last night, and yes, I laughed. Whatever, It's what the little fucker gets.

3) I took J all over town to three sex toys shops looking for a lipstick vibe for the prize package, and I parked my church's bumper sticker right in front of the places. It wasn't intentionally naughty, but I realized later that my car is pretty distinguishable. It made me laugh Sunday morning to think that anyone in that congregation could've seen me and was likely saying a prayer for me at that point.

This Week's Questions!
1. When did you first realize you had a naughty streak?
2. Have you ever stolen anything? What? why?
3. Have you ever cheated at anything?
4. Your most used position for sex?
5. One place or thing that's in your fantasies but rarely or never in your sex life.

My Answers:
1. Well, I've been masturbating since I was in grammar school. Have no idea when most girls start, but I'm thinking 7 or 8 is pretty young. In my profession we would assume that meant I had been abused, but nope. I just knew it felt good ;)
2. You mean like someone's boyfriend? ;) Can we really call it stealing when they come willingly?
3. I cheated in school, of course I was the nerd that was shifting the paper so her friend could see. I also did the group cheating in college, and while I've never cheated on a boyfriend, I have been the other girl before.
4. *grumbling* it's been too long. BUT, I'd have to say on my back with my feet hooked over his shoulders. I'm sure cosmo has given it a name but I just call it, "oh-my-god".
5. I want to have sex in public. Maybe just semi-public, because I don't want to get arrested, but I really do want to get on somewhere that I could theoretically get caught. Doing it outside would be good too.

OK Guys! Check out the Hostesses and all the other Bad-Asses out there today!

Happy Hump Day!


Sir Thomas said...

"on my back with my feet hooked over his shoulders"

oh so done......

Ladii Aponte said...

LMAO! You had me laughing over here! You cant call it stealing if they come willingly! lol SO TRUE i have a few of those. and as for a public Place OMG i have a story for that one BUT im still a little embarassed with the whole thing haha i think im blushing! I wanted to kill the Mr for that one! lol ill just say he ran like a little bitch and left me Bare assed exposed to the creeper who was watching hahaha [maybe ill share on friday]

McKenzie said...

Definitely had me laughing too haha. Loved your story and your answers!

Kristin @ Domestically Disabled said...

I love that you have "stripper songs" becuase so do I ..there are times I hear a song and I'll turn to my husband sand say " I used to strip to this" I dont know if he cares but I always feel the need to point it out :) ( secretly it was some of the best times of my life)