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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I want to see stars...

When we were younger, talking about being older, that was what I told him once. I told him when I finally met the man of my dreams, I wanted to see stars when he kissed me. That was almost 15 years ago, and I'd long ago given up on the man of my dreams. These days I settle for the man of the hour, and hope he'll last that long.

When he called yesterday it was a surprise. I haven't seen him in almost two years. We kept in touch through college and off and on after that. Busy work schedules and semi-long distances kept us from spending too much time together. When he accepted the long-term temporary position out in California we'd managed to lose touch altogether.

He was back though, and wanted to catch up over dinner. We'd been friends forever, but the time and distance made me nervous. We would both be so much different now. I fussed over what to wear, not wanting to look like I'd tried too hard, but wanting to look good all the same. I never moved after college so he was going to meet me at home so we could chat in the car.

The knock startled me. Glancing in the mirror I smoothed my long brown hair and tucked it behind my ear. I wasn't prepared for the gut-punch of emotions I had when I saw him on the other side. He wore jeans and a light blue button down. Even though he looked the same, there were subtle changes. He'd traded his wiry kid glasses for studious black frames. He wore a goatee that was surprisingly sexy.

He'd always had an average build, not lanky or bulky. But now he seemed more defined, his shoulders more broad. I was suddenly very aware of my own appearance and wished the past few years had been as good to me as they obviously had been to him. His hair had that perfect tousled look, and likely without any product. I thought of how nice it would be to reach out and run my fingers through it.

The thought made me step back as though I'd touched a hot stove. Where was this coming from? It hadn't been that long since I'd been with a man that my friend would cause such a physical reaction.

"Hey." He smiled, and that put me over the edge. Had he always looked like this? The smile went all the way to his blue eyes and I melted. Smiling, I murmured my own hello, and said something unintelligent about his new glasses. I opened the door to let him in, but he stayed in the doorway.

"Are you ready?" He asked. I nodded, but my heart sank a little. Of course he didn't want to come in. I needed to snap out of it. I was catching up with an old friend, not going out on a date. I grabbed my purse and locked up.

He opened the passenger door of a green hybrid and I smiled.

"Did you go all hippie on me out in Cali?" I teased. He laughed then just shrugged.

"Better gas mileage." He said. I settled in and fastened my seat belt as he walked around the car. I fidgeted with my purse and tried not to pick at my nail polish.

"So, what's been happening?" He asked. We swapped works stories, family stories, and horrible blind date stories from the past two years and before long we'd found that old rhythm. We were teasing and laughing and I hardly noticed that we'd been driving for forty-five minutes.

"Wait a minute. I thought we were getting dinner, where are we going?" He picked me up at 8:00 so it was already dark outside, and as far as I could tell we weren't near anything.

"We're almost there. Don't worry." He grinned and turned up the radio, leaving me to wonder what we were actually doing. He turned right into a fenced in wooded area and drove down a dusty road. I made some noise, a strangled laugh probably. I was so confused.

We came to a clearing and there was a picnic table, water fountain, and grill. It was a campsite. This didn't help with the confusion.

"What are we doing?" I asked again.

"Would you just relax?" He winked and stepped out of the car. I reached for my own door when he stopped to open the trunk.

"I guess you're getting the shovel so you can bury me after you kill me?" My voice was dripping with sarcasm, but I didn't like being left in the dark. Literally.

He cocked his head and gave me that 'give me a break' look as he closed the trunk. He came around with a huge picnic basket, and hooked my elbow to pull me to the table. I started to laugh. A picnic? In the dark?

"So what," I laughed nervously, "we're going for a hike after dinner?" I tried teasing with him, but I was so nervous. Friends didn't take sweet picnics in the woods after dark. There was a time when I would've said as much. But tonight, I didn't want us to be friends. I wanted a romantic evening beneath the stars, and I wanted it with him.

He sat the basket on top of the table and began to remove the contents. There was my favorite bottle of red, wheat crackers, cheese spread, fruit, a couple of glasses and plates, and a blanket.

"Brian?" I whispered him name. Suddenly very unsure. He just kept setting things on the table.

"Hungry?" He asked, and nudged me toward the bench. I sat and nodded. He pulled a corkscrew from his pocket and I smiled. He'd planned this. Actually planned this out. I thought back over the years of friendship, and my thoughts settled on the month before he'd moved.

He'd come to take me out for drinks and dancing before leaving town. We'd laughed and had fun like we always did. He'd danced really close to me, and took me out on the floor for a few slow songs, but I'd chalked it up to him not really wanting to move. Suddenly I saw all the little things that he'd done to try and open this door. Subtle clearly didn't work with me. Overwhelmed with sudden emotion I took a deep breath to keep the tears from coming.

He smiled, confident, and handed me a glass of wine. I took the glass but sat it on the table next to me. Laughing, I stood to face him. He sat down his glass just before I could wrap my arms around him. He pulled my face to his and kissed me firmly. His hands, at my neck and on my back anchored me to him. But I wasn't trying to go anywhere. I broke the kiss and put his glasses on the table. Again, we were kissing, and I felt like I couldn't breath. It seemed so unreal.

Our mouths continued their explorations and I became immensely aware of the rest of my body. His hand on my back, the tightness in my belly, the hammering in my chest and the roar in my ears. I let go of the unease, and forgot my hesitations.

"Did I see a blanket in that basket?" I tried to sound light-hearted and teasing, but my voice was rough with desire and need.

He grabbed the blanket and quickly spread it on the ground, pulling me down beside him. I kissed him again, letting my hands span his chest. I could feel his heavy breathing and it made me smile. He pulled me close and lowered me onto my back. Kissing me slowly, taking his time with my mouth, running his hands all along my exposed flesh. He trailed his hands along my arms, caressed my neck, and slid a hand beneath my shirt to rest on my stomach.

It was so sweet, he was gentle, but his touch promised heat. We lay there kissing for what felt like forever. I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh, but he made no move to go any further.

I untucked his shirttail and reached for the buttons, wanting to feel his skin beneath my hands. He stopped kissing me long enough to let me remove his shirt and held me by my upper arms. Once I had his shirt off I moved away and reached for the hem of mine. He blinked hard and moaned.

Smiling, I removed it, revealing a lacy pink bra that barely covered my breasts. I'd always been a fan of pretty lingerie and wore it most days just to please myself. Seeing the look on his face I was glad. He groaned and came to his knees. Cupping my breasts in his palms he began to trail kisses down the sides of my neck and along my shoulders.

This was what I'd wanted. Contact. More than the kissing, I wanted to feel his skin against mine. I ran my fingers through the wispy curls on his chest. I wanted to run my mouth along the planes of his stomach, but his mouth on me felt so good. My body strained against him and I whimpered.

He tore his mouth away, growling. Lowering me back to the blanket, he rested his hands at my waist.

"Sug?" He breathed. The old nickname sounded so sweet coming from his lips. I knew his question, but as far as I was concerned there was no question.

"Please." I said, and he did. Gently, but quickly he removed my jeans and shoes and I lay before him in my dainty pink bra and panties. He lowered his head to kiss my stomach and I gasped. His mouth was nothing short of amazing. He kissed down to my hip and traced a small heart with the tip of his tongue. I reached for him, urging him back up to me. Bringing his face to mine I kissed him as I reached for the zipper of his jeans. His hands caressed my face while he let me finish undressing him. I hooked his boxers with the jeans and forced them down as far as I could.

He finished with them and reached for my panties, sliding them down my legs and tossing them onto the building pile of clothes beside us. Reaching behind my back I unhooked my bra. His mouth covered a nipple as soon as the fabric fell away. The sudden sensation caused me to cry out.

I bit my lip against another cry when he moved to the other breast. He kissed and massaged until I could feel the moisture between my thighs. I squirmed beneath his mouth and reached for his erection, cupping it in my palm. He hissed and stiffened.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Still reaching for him. His hands stilled mine.

"I don't have protection." He grimaced. It was so obvious that it hadn't even occurred to him. I laughed. Not at him, but the situation.

"I'm on the pill, and I'm clean." He exhaled and kissed me again, moving his hand down to cup my mound and slid a finger between the folds of my sex.

"Me too," He breathed. I brought my arms up around his waist pulling him closer. while his hands continued to probe and tease below he trailed open mouthed kisses along my neck and down to the swell of my breasts.

Again finding his erection, I guided him to my entrance. He withdrew his hand and braced his weight on his elbows. I shifted, lifting my hips to him, but he waited. I looked up to find him staring into my face. I swallowed hard and kissed him. It was soft and sweet and he entered me slowly, as if savoring every second. When he was finally buried inside of me he kissed my closed eyelids and again my mouth, before slowly pulling out, only to re-enter at that same painfully slow pace. My hips bucked against him, but he didn't increase the speed. It was so slow, so sweet. I felt the tears in my eyes but there was no way to stop them. He smiled and kissed the salty tracks away.

I brought my legs around his waist and wrapped my arms around his neck. We continued to build just like that. Slow and sweet, feasting on each others mouths, touching each other. When I finally came I cried out, no longer concerned who may be able to hear us. He was right behind me and he collapsed, catching his weight on one elbow.

Rolling onto his back, he tucked me into his side. We lay there breathing in the night air, waiting on our hearts to stop racing. I hugged into him, taking his body heat, and he dropped a kiss on my head.

"So," He started. Grinning as he looked down into my face, "Did you see stars?" He glanced up at the clear sky with hundreds of points of light shining down on us. I smiled, and started to laugh, amazed that he'd remembered. He cared, he'd always cared.

"Yeah." I smiled and stretched up to kiss him again. "Yeah, I definitely did."

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